When scrolling through the comments section during Pride Month, it is often a minefield of hostility. Faced with vitriol and bigotry, the urge to fire back is natural, human, and often immediate. One of the most common retorts to homophobic trolls is a familiar refrain: “He’s probably just in the closet himself.”

It feels like a stinging comeback; a way to turn the troll’s own hatred against them. But it’s worth pausing to consider what we are actually saying when we use this line, and whether we are inadvertently undermining the very cause we aim to defend.

The Logic vs. The Reality

The logic behind the “closet” theory is usually rooted in a historical pattern: we have seen enough cases of vocal homophobes eventually being outed as closeted LGBTQ+ individuals to believe it’s a universal rule. It feels like a way to expose hypocrisy and diminish the troll’s power.

However, the underlying mechanism of this insult is flawed for two major reasons:

• Weaponising Identity: When we use “being in the closet” or “being gay” as an insult or a diagnosis for bigotry, we are just reinforcing the idea that being LGBTQ+ is something shameful or a “hidden secret” to be weaponised. We are implying that the worst thing a person can be is gay, and therefore, accusing the troll of being gay is the ultimate “gotcha.”
• Absolving the Bigot: By shifting the focus to their sexuality, we accidentally take the focus off their actions and beliefs. Bigotry is a choice, a behaviour, and a political stance. Someone doesn’t have to be repressed or closeted to be hateful; they can simply be hateful. Labelling them as “secretly gay” lets them off the hook for their actual prejudices and frames their hatred as a personal struggle rather than a social harm.

Who Are We Actually Hurting?

When we use this rhetoric, the collateral damage is often felt by the people we are trying to protect.

For people actually navigating the closet, the “closet-shaming” inherent in these insults can feel alienating. It frames their life experience as something sinister or inherently deceitful.

By asserting that all homophobes are actually gay, we erase the reality of straight, cisgender people who hold homophobic views. It creates a false narrative that the LGBTQ+ community is only being harmed by “one of their own,” which dangerously underestimates the prevalence of societal bigotry.

Finding a Sharper Response

If the goal is to confront hate, we don’t need to reach for insults that mimic the logic of the people we despise. We can be sharp, firm, and effective without accidentally cannibalising our own values.

Instead of pathologising the troll, focus on the impact of the hate:

• “Your words aren’t clever; they’re just harmful, and they have no place here.”
• “Bigotry isn’t an opinion; it’s a choice to be cruel. Why choose that?”
• “I’m not interested in your personal issues. I am interested in why you think it’s okay to spread this kind of toxicity.”

Do I think this will stop anyone in their tracks? Nah. It won’t. But neither will responding with “LOL, UR GAY!”

The Bottom Line

We hold the moral high ground not because we have better insults, but because we stand for inclusion and dignity. When we use someone’s identity as a weapon (even against an enemy) we are playing by the rules of the oppressor.

Let’s leave the “closet” comments behind. Any movement is stronger when it refuses to let hate dictate how they speak, even to those who refuse to listen.